Hellivision

You can’t turn on the TV these days without being subjected to Rachael Ray’s heinous, chubby-cheeked grin and cigarette ravaged voice. You can see her trademark cocked eyebrow on the Food Network, her own syndicated talk show, and those horrible Dunkin Donuts commercials. She’s really saturating the market with her excruciating personality.

From her over the top gesticulations to her affected working class accent and lame catch phrases (”Delish!”), this quote-unquote chef really has a knack for serving up unhealthy portions of annoying. Judging by this active hate site, I’m not the only one that’s being irritated.

The executives who unleashed this monster on us poor, defenseless consumers probably did so knowing full well that she’d get under our skin too. I wouldn’t be surprised to discover she’s not even human - just some sort of robot with a pig brain they constructed for the sole purpose of pushing Joe Blow’s buttons. I picture her being stuffed in a closet at night and switched on every morning at 6AM. No real person could be this annoying.

Naomi Campbell and Michael Jackson. Wow, it’s the Has-Been Dream Team! What a score to get both “stars” involved with this stupid commercial.

Every time I see this train-wreck of an ad spot I can’t help but scream WTF??? Who came up with this crap? Thriller is a classic song and the video was a world-changing event, but it’s old enough to be my grandfather. And what does it have to do with lizards? This million-dollar bastardization is so far from relevant that words fail me.

Michael Jackson’s career must be rolling over in its grave.